Are you poking yourself in the eye?

Children really do listen… though sometimes it appears that they don't.

I was with my 19 year old daughter at the supermarket the other day, and after we left the checkout, she turned to me and matter of factly said, 'That lady is poking herself in the eye!'

The reason she said this was when she was nine years old, she asked me for some lollies. It was 8.30 at night, she was about to go to bed… and she was asking for lollies!

Let's just say, I don't parent like most parents. I didn't say no. I didn't tell her to go to bed. I saw this an as opportunity…

I said to her, 'How many lollies? What type of lollies?'

She said, 'I want a whole packet of Binkies.'

For those of you who don't know, Binkies are a delightful, tasty, chewable jellybean-like lolly that come in all natural colours and flavours, and the ones that we often give as a treat to our kids.

So I said to her, 'I'll make you a deal… you can have your Binkies if you come to the shop with me and I get to give you one of my life lessons.'

She agreed.

All the way, driving down to the shop, I was silent. My daughter was silent.

We walked into the store in silence. We stood before the lolly aisle. I was just about to grab a packet of Binkies. She almost exploded, 'YOU HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING YET! What's the lecture?'

'Now, sweetheart, you know that I don't lecture… I like to tell stories,' I replied.

I continued, 'Tonight's lesson is about loving what you do. We're going to take these Binkies to the lady at the checkout. She'll ask us how we are and we'll reply that we're well. We'll ask her how she is and she'll reply that she's well. But then I'll ask her another question. I'll ask her how her day really was. I'll ask her whether she was really having a good day, enjoying her job… and I simply want you to pay attention to what it is that she says.'

I smiled at my daughter, took the lollies and headed for the checkout.

The beginning stages went as planned. The lady asked how we were, we replied. We asked how she was, she replied.

Very cordial, very polite. Very expected.

Then I asked her how she 'really' was. Her response was unexpected.

She almost shouted at me, 'How am I really? Do you want to know how I really am…? I hate this place. If I didn't have a mortgage to pay, kids to feed, I wouldn't be here. I hate having to stay late and be away from the kids,' and then nearly throwing the Binkies at me, walked away.

I was astounded. I hadn't expected that… but I was so grateful for the experience.

I turned, handed the lollies to Kassandra and asked her, 'Do you poke yourself in the eye?'

'No,' she replied, looking at me as though I was crazy.

'Why not?' I asked.

'Because it would hurt,' she replied, 'and because it would be stupid.'

'Well, that lady pokes herself in the eye every day she comes to work… I don't want you to ever feel like you have to poke yourself in the eye. The way you lead your life, the career that you choose and the direction you take your life… is your choice. Choose wisely.'

We rode home in silence while she contemplated her lesson… or perhaps, more accurately at the time, tried to ignore the lesson and think about how much she would be enjoying her Binkies tomorrow morning (did you think there would be any chance I would let her have lollies before she went to bed).

The question is… are you poking yourself in the eye?